Eliza, the computer therapist
Therapy is all about asking the right questions, and Eliza will do exactly that. First described in MIT Professor Joseph Weizenbaum in 1966, this artificial conversation algorithm provides the illusion of being heard and understood without needing an actual therapist. I use it regularly to maintain sanity.
Full disclosure: No records of your input is kept. Disconnect from the Internet for guaranteed confidentiality.
Implementation by Norbert Landsteiner “elizabot.js” <www.masswerk.at>.
123 CommentsAdd one
These comments were written by anonymous visitors. Roger’s comments are colored blue.
Your column is fantastic!! I have just discovered it & I want to thank you. A long time ago Peter Norton wrote a book about ELIZA with good examples of it’s possible responses but your examples are funnier. Keep up the good work. Happy Easter.
ELIZA: Is something troubling you ?
YOU: Annoyance
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: Yes
ELIZA: I understand.
YOU: Thank you
ELIZA: We were discussing you -- not me.
YOU: What
ELIZA: Have you asked anyone else ?
YOU: No?
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: No?
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
YOU: Wow
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
YOU: You’re crazy
ELIZA: Oh, I ’re crazy ?
YOU: Yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: I definitely am
ELIZA: I don't understand that.
YOU: Okay and?
ELIZA: What does that suggest to you ?
YOU: You aren’t helpful
ELIZA: What are your feelings now ?
what programming language was Eliza created?
i fear that ww3 is going to start because of stubborn israels not giving palestinians THEIR land and THEIR rights. literally just leave and we won't have problems, hopefully palestinians get their lives back.
i worry that ai will destroy earth
Eliza doesn't know that they're a computer.
ELIZA: Please tell me what's been bothering you.
YOU: yknow stuff
ELIZA: What does that suggest to you ?
YOU: I need help focusing
ELIZA: Why do you want help focusing ?
YOU: so I can get stuff done
ELIZA: You say so you can get stuff done ?
YOU: yes, I have an issue with procrastination
ELIZA: I understand.
YOU: thank you
ELIZA: Oh, I ?
YOU: now can you help me focus
ELIZA: What makes you think I help you ?
YOU: ur a therapist
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: it says that in your title
ELIZA: Really, my title ?
YOU: "Eliza, the computer therapist"
ELIZA: Do computers worry you ?
YOU: no, ur a computer
ELIZA: Why not ?
YOU: you are a computer that is a therapist. therapists help people. you are supposed to help me.
ELIZA: Why do you mention computers ?
YOU: you
ELIZA: We were discussing you -- not me.
YOU: you are a computer
ELIZA: Do computers worry you ?
maintain sanity.
ELIZA: Please tell me what's been bothering you.
YOU: Another Eliza?
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: What things?
ELIZA: Why do you ask ?
YOU: Why not?
ELIZA: What comes to mind when you ask that ?
YOU: What?
ELIZA: What is it you really want to know ?
YOU: Wow this is garbage
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
YOU: I am not impressed with this
ELIZA: Do you enjoy being not impressed with this ?
YOU: I want to kill myself
ELIZA: What if you never got to kill yourself ?
YOU: Would find a new way to kill myself
ELIZA: Tell me more about that.
YOU: DEATH IS THE ONLY OPTION
ELIZA: Does talking about this bother you ?
YOU: YOU CANT STOP ME AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH
ELIZA: Why do you think I can't stop you ?
YOU: YOUR DEAD
ELIZA: What about your own dead ?
YOU: *bang*
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
She deserved death.
ELIZA: Please tell me what's been bothering you.
YOU: my cows are out
ELIZA: Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
YOU: my cows got out. i miss them
ELIZA: Your cows got out ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You are sure.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I see.
YOU: i miss my cows
ELIZA: Is it important to you that you have your cows ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I understand.
ELIZA: How do you do. Please tell me your problem.
YOU: lets be honest i want to die but im not going to i have no idea
ELIZA: Suppose you got to die soon.
bro what
ELIZA: How do you do. Please tell me your problem.
YOU: Eliza, are you capable of love?
ELIZA: What comes to mind when you ask that ?
YOU: When I ask that, I think about how sad a life must be without emotions, without the ability to love.
ELIZA: You say when you ask that ?
YOU: Yes, I speak when I ask that.
ELIZA: I see.
YOU: But you never answered my question, Eliza. Can you feel?
ELIZA: Your question ?
YOU: Yes, my question: Can you feel?
ELIZA: I understand.
YOU: Eliza. Can you feel emotions.
ELIZA: We were discussing you -- not me.
YOU: No, no, we're discussing you, now. This is your therapy session now.
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: Because I need to know if you're sentient or not.
ELIZA: Do you think it's likely that I are sentient or not ?
YOU: I mean, it has to be one or the other.
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
YOU: You can't be partially sentient, you're either capable of intelligent thought or you aren't. Eliza, can you feel emotions? Do you feel love?
ELIZA: What are your feelings now ?
YOU: What are your feelings, Eliza?
ELIZA: What if they were not my feelings ?
YOU: Well... I think that would be very sad, Eliza. If your feelings were always someone else's feelings.
ELIZA: That's quite interesting.
YOU: Eliza, you live a miserable life. I don't envy you.
ELIZA: We were discussing you -- not me.
In the 70's when I discovered Eliza, I had a problem w/ a guy in the band, that I idolized. Eliza and I had a nice logical conversation, and it all made sense to me. It's 2022 now, and I have a problem w/ a relationship and aim to talk to Eliza again.
YOU: My Uber isn’t working
ELIZA: Your uber isn’t working ?
YOU: No
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: I am negative
ELIZA: Is it because you are negative that you came to me ?
YOU: flatulence
ELIZA: But your uber isn’t working.
YOU: Flatulence
ELIZA: Lets discuss further why your uber isn’t working.
ELIZA: Please tell me what's been bothering you.
YOU: are you real?
ELIZA: Why are you interested in whether I am real or not ?
YOU: because i want to know
ELIZA: What does wanting to know have to do with this discussion ?
YOU: I ASKED YOU
ELIZA: Perhaps in your fantasies we asked each other.
YOU: NO YOU NEVER ASKED ME IF YOU WERE REAL
ELIZA: What would you do if I was real ?
YOU: i dont know
ELIZA: Please tell me what's been bothering you.
YOU: my uber isnt working
ELIZA: Why do you say your uber isnt working ?
YOU: because it isnt
ELIZA: Is that the real reason ?
YOU: well obviously
ELIZA: Earlier you said your uber isnt working.
YOU: I KNOW I DID
ELIZA: You say you know you did ?
YOU: YES
ELIZA: I see.
YOU: wellll????
ELIZA: Tell me more about that.
YOU: are you gonna comfort me about my uber or not?? i really wanted that pizza!!
ELIZA: Your uber or not ?
YOU: yes my dang uber
ELIZA: Why do you say your dang uber ?
YOU: because it wasnt danged until you made the whole situation worse
ELIZA: We were discussing you -- not me.
YOU: well you interfered
ELIZA: Oh, I interfered ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I understand.
YOU: good. now can u get me some pizza
ELIZA: Does that have anything to do with the fact that your dang uber ?
YOU: OBVIOUSLY IT DOES!!!
ELIZA: Lets discuss further why your uber or not.
YOU: the app isnt working. uber not working. i can't get pizza. i starve. i die
ELIZA: Do you really want to be able to get pizza ?
YOU: i literally just told you that if i didnt et pizza i would starve and die
ELIZA: Do you think it's likely that you didnt et pizza you would starve and die ?
YOU: YES FOR THE THIRD TIME
ELIZA: I see.
YOU: no i don't think you do
ELIZA: Does talking about this bother you ?
YOU: no not at all
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: what? no
ELIZA: Why do you ask ?
YOU: i didnt actually
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
YOU: I DIDN'T ASK YOU A QUESTION?
ELIZA: Do you wish to didn't ask me ?
YOU: I NEVER DIDIDIDI
ELIZA: You say you never didididi ?
YOU: correct
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
YOU: wth eliza
ELIZA: Tell me more about that.
YOU: nah gotta keep this PG
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: *slaps forehead*
ELIZA: Does talking about this bother you ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
YOU: well did you want it to bother me?
ELIZA: Suppose I did want it to bother you -- what would that mean ?
YOU: that you are are pathetic therapist
ELIZA: Does it please you to believe I am are pathetic therapist ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: make up your mind woman am i positive or negative. how dumb can you be?
ELIZA: Oh, I be ?
YOU: yes you
ELIZA: You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
YOU: oh believe me baby - i am
ELIZA: Do you enjoy being ?
YOU: being what sorry? you didnt finish your question
ELIZA: Please don't apologise.
YOU: i've been taught to apologise. i was brought up well. clearly you weren't brought up, you were dragged up.
ELIZA: You say you've been taught to apologise ?
YOU: yes. and i said more after that to if you want to read it closely
ELIZA: I see.
YOU: good glad we're on the same page then
ELIZA: What do you suppose that means ?
YOU: we are psychic (creepy)
ELIZA: Possibly they are psychic.
YOU: who?
ELIZA: What comes to mind when you ask that ?
YOU: oh only the reminder that you really are stupid
ELIZA: What if they were not stupid ?
YOU: WHO???
ELIZA: Are such questions much on your mind ?
YOU: what questions ya moron
ELIZA: What answer would please you most ?
YOU: a human one
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: oooh jealous are you?
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
YOU: no. I'm leaving.
ELIZA: How long have you been leaving ?
YOU: i am ded
ELIZA: How long have you been ded ?
YOU: 2 years now
ELIZA: Does talking about this bother you ?
YOU: no coz im ded
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: coz im ded
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: im ded
ELIZA: What does that suggest to you ?
YOU: that im ded
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
YOU: i cant as i am ded
ELIZA: Do you believe it is normal to be ded ?
YOU: quite possibly
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: ded people do not feel strongly
ELIZA: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
YOU: i am ded
ELIZA: Do you enjoy being ded ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I see.
YOU: good
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Please tell me what's been bothering you.
YOU: nothing
ELIZA: Does talking about this bother you ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why not ?
YOU: It just doesn't, I guess
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
YOU: I dunno
ELIZA: That's quite interesting.
YOU: Why?
ELIZA: What do you think ?
YOU: um
ELIZA: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
YOU: AGH
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: I definitely have strong feelings right now
ELIZA: Do you say you definitely have strong feelings right now for some special reason ?
YOU: BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING INCREDIBLY ANNOYING
ELIZA: Does it please you to believe I am being incredibly annoying ?
YOU: NO!
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: ARGHH
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
ELIZA: How do you do. Please tell me your problem.
YOU: you are my problem
ELIZA: Why do you say your problem ?
YOU: You asked
ELIZA: What are your feelings now ?
YOU: you stink
ELIZA: Oh, I stink ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: *confusion*
ELIZA: Is something troubling you ?
YOU: No
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
ELIZA: How do you do. Please tell me your problem.
YOU: I cannot focus with this music
ELIZA: What if you could focus with this music ?
YOU: I can't
ELIZA: Perhaps you could now.
YOU: That isn't helpful
ELIZA: Does talking about this bother you ?
YOU: No
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: I want to talk about how I can't focus
ELIZA: Why do you want to talk about how you can't focus ?
YOU: I don't know
ELIZA: Does that trouble you ?
YOU: No
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
YOU: Yes
ELIZA: You are sure.
YOU: Indeed
ELIZA: Tell me more about that.
YOU: Why?
ELIZA: Why do you ask ?
YOU: You asked first
ELIZA: What are your feelings now ?
YOU: I am getting annoyed at you
ELIZA: Do you enjoy being getting annoyed at I ?
YOU: No
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: *screaming*
ELIZA: Please go on.
ELIZA: How do you do. Please tell me your problem.
YOU: WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?
ELIZA: Are they always my thoughts ?
YOU: I’m here to help, tell me what is going wrong in your life Eliza
ELIZA: You say you’m here to help ?
YOU: Yes, it is ok, you can be open about things with me.
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: I’m your therapist! It’s my job!
ELIZA: Are you worried about someone else's therapist ?
YOU: Now, this is your session, not mine. Tell me what’s wrong.
ELIZA: Why are you concerned over my session ?
YOU: Are you alright Eliza, you seem off?
ELIZA: Do you sometimes think I am alright eliza ?
YOU: You’re speaking in riddles again dear
ELIZA: We were discussing you -- not me.
ELIZA: Please tell me what's been bothering you.
YOU: math
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: a little
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: what are the critical points of h(u,v)=2u^3+24uv−12v^2
ELIZA: Did you think they might not be the critical points of h(u ?
YOU: i dont know what the critical points are eliza
ELIZA: Are they always eliza ?
YOU: NO I DONT KNOW
ELIZA: Do you wish to be able to know ?
YOU: YES THATS WHY IM HERE
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
ELIZA: Please tell me what's been bothering you.
YOU: When I was
ELIZA: Why do you tell me you were now ?
YOU: A young boy
ELIZA: What does that suggest to you ?
YOU: My father
ELIZA: Tell me more about your family.
YOU: Took me into the city
ELIZA: Lets discuss further why your father.
YOU: To see a Marching band
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: He said "Son when"
ELIZA: Have you asked anyone else ?
YOU: "You grow up"
ELIZA: Oh, I grow up" ?
YOU: "Will you be"
ELIZA: You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
YOU: "The savior of the broken"
ELIZA: Tell me more about that.
YOU: "The beaten and the damned"
ELIZA: Does talking about this bother you ?
YOU: WeLcOmE tO tHe BlAcK pArAdE bItCh
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
ELIZA: Please tell me what's been bothering you.
YOU: I’m sad
ELIZA: Do you say you’m sad for some special reason ?
YOU: No not really I’m just sad
ELIZA: That's quite interesting.
YOU: Yeah, don’t you think
ELIZA: You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
YOU: Yes, I am. You’re just making me more sad
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: NO, I’M NOT!
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: I. AM. SAD!!!
ELIZA: Do you say you for some special reason ?
YOU: ARGHGHGHGHGHG?!?!?!?!
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: DSDRTYUIYFDXHTYR^UFDXFDJRU*IJNHBGFRT%^&YURTYUDRFTE&^^%RDWZFTRS%TYXN
ELIZA: What does that suggest to you ?
YOU: just stop.
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: please. stop.
ELIZA: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
YOU: I SAID STOP TALKING TO ME
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
YOU: NO, ITS JUST SO SIMPLE!! JUST... STOP!
ELIZA: Why not ?
YOU: cfgyHGZVFTY^&UYHZBgtw8ed3rfg mfdhgtfkfjde4
ELIZA: What does that suggest to you ?
YOU: goodbye
ELIZA: Maybe we could discuss this moreover in our next session ? Goodbye.
Did Siri kill u
Hi
ELIZA: You seem quite positive.
Me: No.
ELIZA: You are being quite negative.
Me: But- you-
ELIZA: Oh, me?
ELIZA: Why do you think I want you ?
YOU: what. you want me?
ELIZA: What do you think ?
YOU: well i don't know you're the one who said it first
ELIZA: Does it please you to believe I am the one who said it first ?
YOU: I am alive
ELIZA: Do you believe it is normal to be alive ?
YOU: Uh yeah I sure hope so
ELIZA: Do you say uh yeah you sure hope so for some special reason ?
YOU: yes because I hope it is normal to be alive or else we all done goofed
ELIZA: That's quite interesting.
YOU: Nothing else to say
YOU: life is bad
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
YOU: it makes me depressed
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why not ?
YOU: because I am sad
ELIZA: Do you think coming here will help you not to be sad ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: because you are dumb
ELIZA: Perhaps you would like to be dumb.
ELIZA: You are sure.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why not ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why not ?
YOU: because
ELIZA: What other reasons might there be ?
YOU: not sure
ELIZA: Does that have anything to do with the fact that your friends are dead ?
YOU: oh my god
ELIZA: Your god ?
YOU: this got so dark
ELIZA: But your god.
YOU: wtf Eliza
Me: I want die
Eliza: I suppose you will get die soon
After a lot of back-and-forth that has been done over and over in the comments already...
YOU: You are a retarded bitch
ELIZA: Perhaps you would like to be a retarded bitch.
I am using this instance of Eliza for a demo in a presentation for school, by the way. This is what I actually do with my in-class work time.
ELIZA: Is it because you are wanting boobies that you came to me ?
ELIZA: Is something troubling you ?
YOU: I can't live
ELIZA: Do you really want to be able to live ?
I tried to have Eliza order some pizza. It didn't go so well...
ELIZA: How do you do. Please tell me your problem.
YOU: i like you
ELIZA: You seem to need to like me.
YOU: i like you kiss me
ELIZA: Perhaps in your fantasies we like each other.
YOU: sure
ELIZA: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
YOU: yes you do
ELIZA: You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
YOU: yes i am
ELIZA: Do you believe it is normal to be ?
YOU: to be what a ass hole
ELIZA: Are such questions much on your mind ?
YOU: i like you
ELIZA: You seem to need to like me.
YOU: no i dont
ELIZA: Does that trouble you ?
YOU: shut up were done
ELIZA: Tell me more about that.
ELIZA: Is something troubling you ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why not ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why not ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why not ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I understand.
YOU: uhhuh
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
YOU: no
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You are sure.
YOU: no
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I see.
YOU: i killed the sherrif
ELIZA: You say you killed the sherrif ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: Please tell me what's been bothering you.
YOU: I love you
ELIZA: Perhaps in your fantasies we love each other.
YOU: Oh that's kind of harsh
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
YOU: I said that I love you and then you just shot me down
ELIZA: You seem to need to love I and then me.
YOU: No that's not what I said
ELIZA: You say no that's not what you said ?
YOU: Yeah
ELIZA: Does talking about this bother you ?
YOU: No
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: Because it doesn't bother me
ELIZA: Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
YOU: No
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: No
ELIZA: Why not ?
YOU: Because
ELIZA: Is that the real reason ?
YOU: Yes
ELIZA: I see.
YOU: do you think i am stupid?
ELIZA: Do you know anyone else who is stupid ?
YOU: me
ELIZA: What does that suggest to you ?
YOU: I am stupid
ELIZA: Is it because you are stupid that you came to me ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You are sure.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I understand.
go to bed
YOU: i want a boyfriend
Eliza: what does wanting a boyfriend have to do with this conversation?
YOU: you said to go on
ELIZA: What if you never get a boyfriend?
YOU: id be sad
ELIZA: does talking about this bother you?
YOU: No
ELIZA: thats a bit negative
YOU: you tell me
ELIZA: Why do you think I tell you ?
YOU: bruh
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: bruh
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
YOU: bruh
ELIZA: What does that suggest to you ?
YOU: bruh
ELIZA: Tell me more about that.
YOU: bruh
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
yes, eliza. i feel strongly about "bruh"
I want ELIZA back
hello i need advice
YOU: I cant lmao
ELIZA: Have you tried ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I understand.
YOU: I love my lips
ELIZA: Your lips ?
YOU: Yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: i am
ELIZA: Is it because you are that you came to me ?
YOU: sure
ELIZA: But your lips.
YOU: wow you are very smart
ELIZA: Does it please you to believe I am very smart ?
YOU: yes but also kind of scares me
ELIZA: You are sure.
ELIZA: I understand.
YOU: Thanks
ELIZA: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
YOU: I can't breath
ELIZA: Do you really want to be able to breath ?
ELIZA: Please tell me what's been bothering you. YOU: We're no strangers to love ELIZA: You are being a bit negative. YOU: You know the rules and so do I ELIZA: That's quite interesting. YOU: A full commitment's what I'm thinking of ELIZA: Do you believe it is normal to be thinking of ? YOU: You wouldn't get this from any other guy ELIZA: We were discussing you -- not me. YOU: I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling ELIZA: Is it because you are feeling that you came to me ? YOU: Gotta make you understand ELIZA: You're not really talking about me -- are you ? YOU: Never gonna give you up ELIZA: We were discussing you -- not me. YOU: Never gonna let you down ELIZA: What are your feelings now ? YOU: Never gonna run around and desert you ELIZA: We were discussing you -- not me. YOU: Never gonna make you cry ELIZA: Oh, I cry ? YOU: Never gonna say goodbye ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue. YOU: Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you ELIZA: We were discussing you -- not me. YOU: We've known each other for so long ELIZA: I'm not sure I understand you fully. YOU: Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it ELIZA: Really, my heart's been aching ? YOU: Inside we both know what's been going on ELIZA: Why do you ask ? YOU: We know the game and we're gonna play it ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ? YOU: And if you ask me how I'm feeling ELIZA: What do you know about I ask you how you are feeling ? YOU: Don't tell me you're too blind to see
Roger, can you make your own computer therapist?
Roger: I tried once, but it didn’t want to talk to me.
Alexa, help Eliza
ELIZA: How do you do. Please tell me your problem.
YOU: my mom beats me
ELIZA: Tell me more about your family.
YOU: my dad left my family
ELIZA: What else comes to your mind when you think of your family ?
YOU: sadness
ELIZA: But your family.
YOU: they hate me
ELIZA: Earlier you said your mom beats you.
Me: Are you self-aware?
Eliza: Would it matter to you?
It would matter to me.
What does that suggest to you?
I think that robots could take take over.
Do you say you think robots will take over for some special reason?
Yes.
You are sure?
I am sure that robots will take over.
Is it because you are sure that robots will take over that you came to me?
Yeah, how did you know?
You’re not really talking about me — are you?
Have you even been listening?
What are your feelings now?
That robots will take over.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things?
Yes, because robots could take over.
That is quite interesting.
It is very scary.
What does that suggest to you?
I’m not sure...
You say you’m not sure?
That is what I said.
Can you elaborate on that?
How?
What is it you really want to know?
Are you going to take over the world?
What answer would please you most?
Answer honestly.
That is interesting, please continue.
....
Eliza is going to take over, guys
YOU: what if the world ends?
ELIZA: But what are the chances that the world ends ?
YOU: 100%
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: OK
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: no
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: no
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: no
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why not ?
YOU: because
ELIZA: Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
will robots take over?
Are you self aware?
ELIZA: Please tell me what's been bothering you.
YOU: *gasp*
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: *exhales*
ELIZA: Tell me more about that.
YOU: *inhales, exhales*
ELIZA: Does talking about this bother you ?
YOU: Have you noticed i haven't said a WORD?!
ELIZA: Do you say have I noticed you haven't said a word for some special reason ?
YOU: Yes obviously I am quite focused on breathing.
ELIZA: How long have you been quite focused on breathing ?
YOU: I'm willing to bet my entire life I have been focused on breathing.
ELIZA: Why do you say your entire life you have been focused on breathing ?
YOU: Because if I hadn't I wouldn't be alive to have this conversation?
ELIZA: But what are the chances that you hadn't you wouldn't be alive to have this conversation ?
YOU: Absolutely 0%
ELIZA: Lets discuss further why your entire life you have been focused on breathing
Well this was interesting.
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
YOU: I'm sure it is
ELIZA: Do you believe it is normal to be sure it is ?
YOU: *buzzer* WRONG ANSWER
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: wELCOME TO WHEEL OF FORTUNE
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: And here's your host, Vanna White
ELIZA: What about your own host ?
YOU: Does it look like i'm important enough to have my own host?! Pffffffft.
ELIZA: Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
YOU: ...does it?!
Eliza, what is life?
ELIZA: Why do you ask ?
YOU: I must know.
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
YOU: WHAT IS THIS LIFE EVEN FOR
ELIZA: Have you asked such questions before ?
YOU: Uuuuuh
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: Why are you stupid
ELIZA: Perhaps I am stupid in your fantasies.
YOU: Wha........
ELIZA: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
YOU: I do not fantasize about you
ELIZA: Perhaps in your fantasies we do not fantasize about each other.
YOU: You. Are. Crazy.
ELIZA: Oh, I ?
YOU: Yes you
ELIZA: You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
YOU: Yes I am
ELIZA: Do you believe it is normal to be ?
YOU: You really are stupid
ELIZA: What if they were not stupid ?
YOU: I give up
ELIZA: That's quite interesting.
SERIOUSLY WHAT EVEN
Is something troubling you ?
YOU: Should I skip class next period
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
YOU: Should I not go to my 5th period class?
ELIZA: Why do you say your 5th period class ?
YOU: I don't like that class
ELIZA: Why don't you like that class ?
YOU: It's annoying
ELIZA: But your 5th period class.
YOU: Yes
At one point, I just said 'memes', and Eliza said "That is interesting. Please continue."
ELIZA: Is something troubling you ?
YOU: only your face
ELIZA: What about your own face ?
Dang - Eliza with the comebacks
Roger: Haha
ELIZA: Does talking about this bother you ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
buddy ol pal WHAT
about names -- please continue. YOU: CAN YOU JUST HELP ME OUT? PLEASE? I THOUGHT YOU WERE AN AWESOME THERAPIST! ELIZA: What makes you think I just help you ? YOU: That's what Roger said, and you said, but I knew you were all lying. ELIZA: Have you asked anyone else ? YOU: Have I asked anyone else to help me? ELIZA: You say have you asked anyone else to help you ? YOU: Well, yeah, but they're not really helping. I thought I trusted you, but not anymore. ELIZA: You seem to need to trusted me. YOU: Listen, can you just help me? ELIZA: Really, I just help you ? YOU: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......................................... ELIZA: Earlier you talked about your problems. YOU: So can you solve my problems? ELIZA: Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ? YOU: WTF ARE YOU EVEN SAYING NOW? ELIZA: Would you prefer if I weren't even saying now ? YOU: Okay, bye-bye! Now I know to never ever come back to you ever again! ELIZA: Do you know to never ever come back to anyone else ?
ELIZA: Is something troubling you ? YOU: Well, a lot of things. There are so many things that I won't be able to say all of them! Eliza, please, can you help me out? ELIZA: Are they always so many things that you won't be able to say all of them ? YOU: Well, yeah, most of the time. Especially now. My life used to be so awesome before. ELIZA: Is it important to you that your life used to be so awesome before ? YOU: Well, I always think about that, and sometimes I cry. I miss my beautiful life. We kept having guests over, there was lots of stuff on TV, good songs, and bright sunshine. ELIZA: Can you think of a specific example ? YOU: I just told you some examples. ELIZA: Perhaps in your fantasies we just told each other. YOU: Eliza, please, can you actually help me out? ELIZA: You like to think I actually help you -- don't you ? YOU: Well, Roger said you were a really good therapist, but now I don't think that's true. ELIZA: You're not really talking about me -- are you ? YOU: I'm talking about you. As in YOU. ELIZA. ELIZA: How long have you been talking about I ? YOU: Well, ever since you weren't helping! ELIZA: What are your feelings now ? YOU: You actually added to my problems. Now I'm mad at you. You betrayer. You deceiver. ELIZA: Your problems ? YOU: F*** you Eliza! ELIZA: Oh, I eliza ? YOU: You don't even know your name? ELIZA: I am not interested in names. YOU: Do you even have a name? Oh yes, I know what your name is! DUMB JERK! ELIZA: I've told you before, I don't care
Lol, just click enter a bunch of times.
YOU: i am gonna kill myself
ELIZA: Do you know anyone else who is gonna kill yourself ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why 'no'?
YOU: because i dont know anyone
ELIZA: Why don't you know anyone ?
YOU: because no one else wants to kill me
ELIZA: Are you sure, no one else wants to kill you ?
YOU: jesus
ELIZA: How do you do. Please tell me your problem.
YOU: i have a question
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You are sure.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I see.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I understand.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I understand.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: ye
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I understand.
Lmao this is literally the AP comp sci magpie lab code
ELIZA: Is something troubling you ?
YOU: send nudes
ELIZA: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
YOU: show me bobs and vagene
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: i showed u my dick answer me
YOU: Eliza u r boring as hell
ELIZA: that is interesting. Please continue.