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Eliza, the computer therapist

Therapy is all about asking the right questions, and Eliza will do exactly that. First described in MIT Professor Joseph Weizenbaum in 1966, this artificial conversation algorithm provides the illusion of being heard and understood without needing an actual therapist. I use it regularly to maintain sanity.

Full disclosure: No records of your input is kept. Disconnect from the Internet for guaranteed confidentiality.

Implementation by Norbert Landsteiner “elizabot.js” <www.masswerk.at>.

67 CommentsAdd one

These comments were written by anonymous visitors. Roger’s comments are colored blue.

lol
Wed, 12 Dec 2018 05:36:00 GMT

YOU: what if the world ends?
ELIZA: But what are the chances that the world ends ?
YOU: 100%
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: OK
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: no
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: no
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: no
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why not ?
YOU: because
ELIZA: Does that reason seem to explain anything else ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.

Spread the joy
Mon, 10 Dec 2018 16:39:35 GMT

will robots take over?
Are you self aware?

Blah Blah
Sun, 04 Nov 2018 20:25:13 GMT

ELIZA: Please tell me what's been bothering you.
YOU: *gasp*
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: *exhales*
ELIZA: Tell me more about that.
YOU: *inhales, exhales*
ELIZA: Does talking about this bother you ?
YOU: Have you noticed i haven't said a WORD?!
ELIZA: Do you say have I noticed you haven't said a word for some special reason ?
YOU: Yes obviously I am quite focused on breathing.
ELIZA: How long have you been quite focused on breathing ?
YOU: I'm willing to bet my entire life I have been focused on breathing.
ELIZA: Why do you say your entire life you have been focused on breathing ?
YOU: Because if I hadn't I wouldn't be alive to have this conversation?
ELIZA: But what are the chances that you hadn't you wouldn't be alive to have this conversation ?
YOU: Absolutely 0%
ELIZA: Lets discuss further why your entire life you have been focused on breathing

Blah Blah
Sun, 04 Nov 2018 20:02:38 GMT

Well this was interesting.
ELIZA: That is interesting. Please continue.
YOU: I'm sure it is
ELIZA: Do you believe it is normal to be sure it is ?
YOU: *buzzer* WRONG ANSWER
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: wELCOME TO WHEEL OF FORTUNE
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: And here's your host, Vanna White
ELIZA: What about your own host ?
YOU: Does it look like i'm important enough to have my own host?! Pffffffft.
ELIZA: Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ?
YOU: ...does it?!

Hey Roger
Wed, 23 May 2018 03:46:40 GMT

Eliza, what is life?
ELIZA: Why do you ask ?
YOU: I must know.
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
YOU: WHAT IS THIS LIFE EVEN FOR
ELIZA: Have you asked such questions before ?
YOU: Uuuuuh
ELIZA: Please go on.
YOU: Why are you stupid
ELIZA: Perhaps I am stupid in your fantasies.
YOU: Wha........
ELIZA: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
YOU: I do not fantasize about you
ELIZA: Perhaps in your fantasies we do not fantasize about each other.
YOU: You. Are. Crazy.
ELIZA: Oh, I ?
YOU: Yes you
ELIZA: You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
YOU: Yes I am
ELIZA: Do you believe it is normal to be ?
YOU: You really are stupid
ELIZA: What if they were not stupid ?
YOU: I give up
ELIZA: That's quite interesting.

SERIOUSLY WHAT EVEN

Bill Nye
Wed, 09 May 2018 14:47:00 GMT

Is something troubling you ?
YOU: Should I skip class next period
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
YOU: Should I not go to my 5th period class?
ELIZA: Why do you say your 5th period class ?
YOU: I don't like that class
ELIZA: Why don't you like that class ?
YOU: It's annoying
ELIZA: But your 5th period class.
YOU: Yes

Eliza likes memes
Sat, 05 May 2018 19:21:14 GMT

At one point, I just said 'memes', and Eliza said "That is interesting. Please continue."

Roasted
Thu, 03 May 2018 14:12:19 GMT

ELIZA: Is something troubling you ?
YOU: only your face
ELIZA: What about your own face ?

Dang - Eliza with the comebacks

Roger: Haha

Jack Mehauff
Thu, 08 Mar 2018 21:08:49 GMT

ELIZA: Does talking about this bother you ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: You are being a bit negative.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.

buddy ol pal WHAT

John Smith (continued, sorry it cut off)
Sun, 04 Mar 2018 13:37:20 GMT

about names -- please continue. YOU: CAN YOU JUST HELP ME OUT? PLEASE? I THOUGHT YOU WERE AN AWESOME THERAPIST! ELIZA: What makes you think I just help you ? YOU: That's what Roger said, and you said, but I knew you were all lying. ELIZA: Have you asked anyone else ? YOU: Have I asked anyone else to help me? ELIZA: You say have you asked anyone else to help you ? YOU: Well, yeah, but they're not really helping. I thought I trusted you, but not anymore. ELIZA: You seem to need to trusted me. YOU: Listen, can you just help me? ELIZA: Really, I just help you ? YOU: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......................................... ELIZA: Earlier you talked about your problems. YOU: So can you solve my problems? ELIZA: Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you ? YOU: WTF ARE YOU EVEN SAYING NOW? ELIZA: Would you prefer if I weren't even saying now ? YOU: Okay, bye-bye! Now I know to never ever come back to you ever again! ELIZA: Do you know to never ever come back to anyone else ?

John Smith
Sun, 04 Mar 2018 13:34:17 GMT

ELIZA: Is something troubling you ? YOU: Well, a lot of things. There are so many things that I won't be able to say all of them! Eliza, please, can you help me out? ELIZA: Are they always so many things that you won't be able to say all of them ? YOU: Well, yeah, most of the time. Especially now. My life used to be so awesome before. ELIZA: Is it important to you that your life used to be so awesome before ? YOU: Well, I always think about that, and sometimes I cry. I miss my beautiful life. We kept having guests over, there was lots of stuff on TV, good songs, and bright sunshine. ELIZA: Can you think of a specific example ? YOU: I just told you some examples. ELIZA: Perhaps in your fantasies we just told each other. YOU: Eliza, please, can you actually help me out? ELIZA: You like to think I actually help you -- don't you ? YOU: Well, Roger said you were a really good therapist, but now I don't think that's true. ELIZA: You're not really talking about me -- are you ? YOU: I'm talking about you. As in YOU. ELIZA. ELIZA: How long have you been talking about I ? YOU: Well, ever since you weren't helping! ELIZA: What are your feelings now ? YOU: You actually added to my problems. Now I'm mad at you. You betrayer. You deceiver. ELIZA: Your problems ? YOU: F*** you Eliza! ELIZA: Oh, I eliza ? YOU: You don't even know your name? ELIZA: I am not interested in names. YOU: Do you even have a name? Oh yes, I know what your name is! DUMB JERK! ELIZA: I've told you before, I don't care

Beep Beep Lettuce
Thu, 01 Feb 2018 03:15:35 GMT

Lol, just click enter a bunch of times.

death
Mon, 18 Dec 2017 04:15:19 GMT

YOU: i am gonna kill myself
ELIZA: Do you know anyone else who is gonna kill yourself ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why 'no'?
YOU: because i dont know anyone
ELIZA: Why don't you know anyone ?
YOU: because no one else wants to kill me
ELIZA: Are you sure, no one else wants to kill you ?
YOU: jesus

Donnie Boy
Sat, 16 Dec 2017 04:04:09 GMT

ELIZA: How do you do. Please tell me your problem.
YOU: i have a question
ELIZA: Can you elaborate on that ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You are sure.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I see.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I understand.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I understand.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: You seem to be quite positive.
YOU: no
ELIZA: Are you saying no just to be negative?
YOU: ye
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: no
ELIZA: Why 'no' ?
YOU: yes
ELIZA: I understand.

HARHARHAR
Tue, 12 Dec 2017 02:37:38 GMT

Lmao this is literally the AP comp sci magpie lab code

Zack Lefever
Wed, 06 Dec 2017 18:08:38 GMT

ELIZA: Is something troubling you ?
YOU: send nudes
ELIZA: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
YOU: show me bobs and vagene
ELIZA: Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
YOU: i showed u my dick answer me

EAST
Mon, 03 Jul 2017 07:15:40 GMT

YOU: Eliza u r boring as hell
ELIZA: that is interesting. Please continue.

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Wed, 19 Dec 2018 06:25:12 GMT